My least favourite place is most definitely the dentist. The piercing sounds of the drills sends a shiver down my spine just thinking about it. Then there is the smell; I cannot find a way to describe it, it is just horrible. Not to mention the intimidating faces glaring up at you when you walk in..
I could feel my heart pounding with fear, my palms becoming moist with anxiety. I turned to my left, lifted my hand and pressed down on the button carefully. The window went down, I was desperate for some fresh air as the car was bursting with despair. I was expecting this journey to go smoothly but it left me and my mum in horror. Our situation was quite possibly the worst combination of things; on a steep hill queuing in traffic with the petrol gauge on red, on our way to the dentist. It doesn't get any worse than that. It felt as if a swarm of butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. I looked at my watch, we had been queuing for around ten minutes, yet this short amount of time felt like hours. The thought of being late for our dentist appointment didn't bother me, it was the fact that we could break down at any moment. I turned to look at my mum, in hope that she would be looking positive; she was the complete opposite which wasn't the slight bit reassuring. She was clutching onto the steering wheel with dear life, with her eyes fixed onto the cars in front. This increased my concern unbelievably, and it felt as if my heart was either going to explode into a million pieces or literally jump out of my mouth.
The traffic began to move slowly but surely. We were gradually approaching the top of the hill at last, and it felt like a great humongous weight had been lifted from my quivering shoulders. I felt like jumping for joy when we had reached the top, but of course due to being in a confined space, I couldn't express my relief the way I wished so I decided to just smile. I peered at the time again with curiosity, it read 4:25. We had just five minutes to reach our destination; the determination on my mums face was unreal.
Then finally, despite slight delay, we pulled up, I unstrapped my seatbelt and stepped out of the car enthusiastically. I never ever thought this day would come; me actually being overjoyed with our arrival at the dentist.
A really clever twist with the enjoyment at the end of the journey. 'Humungous' is a comedy word. There's no getting away from it which really doesn't work in a serious context and it sticks out massively in this writing. Your sentence structures are varied well and the paragraphing assists the sense of tension too.
ReplyDeleteTry to manipulate your vocabulary and descriptive phrases to avoid anything too familiar - minutes feeling like hours has been said many times before, for example.
A really enjoyable read nonetheless and a great concept.